May 2018 46 So, you don't follow horse racing, but the neighbors are throwing a Kentucky Derby party. You don't want to sound dumb. What should you do? The first thing to remember is it's likely that 95% of the people at the party know as little about horse racing as you do, and that may include your host. Here are 10 basic terms or social graces you need to know. Stick with us; we'll get you through this. • When offered a mint julep, the dreadful signature drink of the Derby, make sure you drink through a straw from the bottom of the glass. That's where all the powdered sugar is and likely the only way you can make it taste drinkable. • Ask if the whiskey is Maker's Mark. If not, you can legitimately thumb your nose. • Never ask or say, "Which horse should I vote for?" • If you're a woman, please wear a hat of outrageous proportions. Derby Day is like Halloween for the head. • Don't ask if a horse has ever won the Derby before. It's a race just for 3-year-olds; a horse can run it only once. • Colts are the boys and fillies are the girls. A gelding is a male who has been castrated. Why? Usually to calm him down. • A furlong is one-eighth of a mile. The race is a mile and a quarter or 10 furlongs. This will be the first time any of the horses have run that far. • When the race starts, if the opening quarter- mile is run in around 22 seconds, you can say: "Knew with this field there would be fast fractions; they won't be there at the end." • If the opening quarter-mile is around 25 seconds, you can say: "Really slow pace, one of the front-runners might actually hold up." • Pretend to get teary when they play "My Old Kentucky Home." • Remember there are two other legs of the Triple Crown: the Preakness, which is held in Baltimore two weeks after the Derby, and the Belmont Stakes, which is held in New York three weeks after that. If the same horse hasn't won both the Derby and the Preakness, no one cares about the Belmont. Photo by squirrel83 Photo by Pharaoh Hound KENTUCKY DERBY PARTYGOERS Here's Your Cheat Sheet