ArizonaRealCountry.com 11 October 2017 DESOLATE RANCH WIFE By Jolyn Young It’s fall, which means the wagon is out on the O RO Ranch. Most folks probably aren’t too familiar with what “the wagon” is, since this ranching tradition has largely gone the way of the buffalo. The RO is one of the last big outfits that still pull a fall wagon that the cowboys camp out around on the ranch during the time they gather, brand and sort cattle as needed. Even in today’s technological age, this is a necessity since the country is too rough and rocky to drive all the cattle to headquarters to be worked. Here are a few of the most common questions concerning the wagon, along with their answers. Q: What is “the wagon”? A: “Going out with the wagon,” “cooking for the wagon,” “camping on the wagon,” “packing for the wagon.” With the words “the wagon” used in so many different ways, it’s easy to see why it’s confusing. In the old days ranches pulled actual wooden horse-drawn wagons out to the far reaches of their country to brand calves. The modern- day version is a pickup truck and horse trailer, or maybe a revamped Army truck. But, the vehicle is still called “the wagon,” and the entire camping- out-on-the-ranch-and-working-cattle process is also called “the wagon.” Q: How long does the wagon last? A: This depends entirely on the ranch; some last two weeks (pansies! sissies! lucky bums!), some last two months. Q: Where do the cowboys sleep? A: In canvas range tipis, also called “rag houses.” Q: Are they waterproof? A: Usually, unless it rains. The canvas can be waterproofed, but it’s not uncommon for a cowboy to discover he missed a spot or the seam sprang a leak during a rainstorm. Q: Are they hot? A: Always. Unless it is cold; then they are cold. Q: Who cooks for the cowboy crew? A: The cook. Duh. But seriously, this is actually a good question, because sometimes the cowboys wonder who is going to cook for them when the current cook quits halfway through the wagon. Getting up at three a.m., building a wood fire and cooking a full meal in Dutch ovens, then washing and repeating two more times daily before retiring to a tent without a shower isn’t everyone’s cup of black coffee. Wagons have been known to go Weird Wagon Questions through multiple cooks during one season. It’s the kind of situation where if you openly state that you like to cook within earshot of the wagon boss, you will instantaneously find yourself wearing an apron and holding a wooden spoon. Q: I keep hearing the phrase “wagon trash.” What does this mean? Is there a Hefty bag involved, or some type of rangeland recycling program? A: “Wagon trash” refers to day help cowboys hired on only for the duration of the wagon. On the surface, it seems to be a derogatory term, but it really isn’t. There’s no shame in being wagon trash; it can be a fun adventure and possibly lead to a full- time job on the ranch after the wagon is over. Then, last year’s wagon trash can call next year’s day help “wagon trash,” and the circle of a cowboy’s life is complete. Q: Do the cowboys shower on the wagon? A: No. They usually go home about every 10 or so days to shower and have a day off. By the ninth day the stench of menfolk can be smelled over the stench of cow manure and wood smoke across the branding trap. Cowboys’ wives have been known to hold their breath, look away, and dump the entire contents of their husband’s duffel bag into the washing machine when they return home. She may wash a lighter or a can of Copenhagen, but sacrificing some chew is totally worth it to not actually smell or see what happened to his Levi’s out in the desert. Q: Do cowboys like the wagon? A: They like the wagon, but they also like to complain about the wagon. “Oh, man, I have to eat, work, and sleep in the dirt. The cook better be good. I hope it doesn’t rain. I hope it’s not too hot. I hate not showering.” Translation: “I get to be a real cowboy for two months. No horse trailers, no house, no TV or cell phone service – just me, my horses, a cowboy crew and a whole lot of cowboy work. Bring it on.” Jolyn Young lives on the O RO Ranch in northern Arizona with her cowboy husband, Jim, and their two small children. She writes a humor column that is published in two states. To read more of her work or contact her regarding publishing Desolate Ranch Wife, visit jolynyoung.com. A previous version of this article originally appeared on CavvySavvy.com. Above: Most modern-day “wagons” are actually pickup trucks outfitted with some type of food storage and cooking setup. The O RO Ranch wagon is a dually pickup, and the kitchen is set up out of the back of the truck and covered with a canvas tarp, or “fly.” Right: A hungry cowboy fills his plate at the Bear Creek camp during the O RO Ranch’s fall wagon. The cook has hot meals ready three times a day.